The Secret to Sleep Success

So, your baby isn’t sleeping. Maybe you’ve resorted to swing naps, bouncing all night long, or trying to figure out how you can transform into a human that simply doesn’t need any sleep at all.

We’ve yet to find a way to not need sleep, but we have found a way to get your baby to sleep (and let you sleep in the process).

One-size-fits-all books just don’t work. The main downfall of them is they neglect to take into account one very key element of baby sleep. Your baby! The reason sleep books are a dime a dozen is because each baby is completely unique in what they need and each family is unique in their goals. A book can’t adapt to that, It’s just a set of rules, printed there in black and white. And if it doesn’t work?

Well, then we start to believe our babies just don’t sleep.

The truth of the matter is your baby can and will sleep. They just need the proper environment and coaching to do so. This could involve any number of situations that a book off Amazon just can’t account for. While the authors of these books may have some sound advice, they don’t know you or your baby!

Another little secret is this: “no cry” solutions just don’t work.

Nobody likes to hear their baby cry. We’re actually biologically programmed to respond to baby’s cries. Studies have found that the effects of a baby crying on a parent’s brain is similar to them being electrocuted. Feeling a little shaky after a long cry session with baby? That’s why.

While crying can signal that something is wrong with baby, it also is the only way they have to communicate with us. What they’re trying to communicate is not always something that needs fixing. Imagine being a brand new baby, unfamiliar with the entire world. They have a lot of learning to do. With that learning and frustration comes tears. These aren’t necessarily tears that need to be addressed, simply a baby communicating that something is different and unfamiliar.

Babies often cry when they want to move but are unable to, for example. During tummy time, many babies get annoyed and frustrated because they can’t roll or move. They may cry but this isn’t a danger or pain cry, it’s simply them communicating, “Hey! I’m pissed!”

The same happens when babies begin to learn how to sleep independently. They get frustrated. That doesn’t necessarily mean we need to run to assist them, though. Letting them learn on their own is a great way to help them establish healthy sleep habits for the rest of their lives.

The secret? Your family needs a customized approach combined with support.

We’ve cracked the code. By using an approach that is custom-tailored to your baby, your family, and your goals, we’re able to create a plan that is unique to you. We sit with you, learn about you and your baby, see your space, and devise an all-encompassing plan including how to reset during bumps in the road. Carolina Dream Tree is with you for 72 hours, walking through each naptime and bedtime. We’re helping to reassure and give guidance as you and your family adjust to your new normal (11-12 hours of baby sleep a night!). We offer support in the weeks following and guarantee results.

By using this method, we minimize tears and maximize success!

We leave our clients well-rested and ready to help their baby continue to develop their newly learned skill through illness, travel, and any other curve balls life may throw at them.

The secret is that there isn’t one secret. It’s a customized and supported approach to baby sleep.

Why Your Sleep Training Books Aren't Working

You read the book. You followed the list. You got all the “recommended items” listed in the end of the book. You took notes.

WHY ISN’T YOUR BABY SLEEPING?!

Take to mommy groups or Google and you’ll find recommendations for no less than 7 different books claiming to help your little one sleep better in different amounts of time. Why so many different recommendations?

Simply put, they don’t work.

Books may be good for giving ideas but in order to customize an approach that will work for your baby you may need to read all 7 recommendations you were handed on Facebook and piecemeal a recipe that works.

First of all, who has time to read all those books when you have a baby that isn’t sleeping? You’re just trying to lay down for any amount of time. Your free time needs to be spent getting rest.

Second of all, the recipe will be different and it will take who knows how long to land on the exact right method. Again...who has that time?

In the time it takes you to read all the books and create a formula through trial-and-error, we could have had your baby (and you!) sleeping.

No joke.

The problem with your books is two-fold and we’ve addressed these exact issues with our method.

Problem 1: One-Size-Fits-All

The books approach baby sleep assuming some accurate scientific facts: all babies need a similar range of sleep and there are some biological truths that hold for all humans. They don’t, however, take into account your baby’s temperament, your family’s space, your needs, or your personal goals. Of course the ultimate goal is “sleep” but that looks so different for every person. A book can’t adapt or tailor your approach. It’s there, unflinching, in black-and-white.

Problem 2: Lack of Support

Simply put, your book isn’t going to wake up with you when your little decides they want to party at 3 AM. They aren’t going to be there with you while you roll out of your warm bed once more to soothe and comfort the baby you’re trying so diligently to help sleep on their own. They won’t be there to hear the cries on the monitor and guide you through exactly how to do it. You don’t have someone who comes alongside you and figuratively (or literally) holds your hand through each attempt.

Your books don’t work because you’re missing the human element of sleep training. You’re missing the customized approach with the human support. Carolina Dream Tree won’t leave you when the going gets tough and we certainly aren’t just words on a page. We’re skilled, trained, and experienced, ready to be there with you through each step in the process of getting your baby to sleep.

Mystery solved: your books don’t work and that’s why.

Sleep Training when Life Falls Apart

You’ve successfully gotten your baby sleeping in their crib, through at least a portion of the night. Awesome! Well done!

Now, of course, you’re worried to change….anything...but life happens! How to keep your baby on a great schedule through the twists and turns of it all? Buckle up, we’ve got tips.

Keep it Dark

When traveling, staying in a different place, or baby is sick, it’s important to keep their sleep area dark. This is usually pretty second-nature (we sleep in a dark room) but there’s science behind it too! Our brains produce Melatonin to help us fall asleep and stay there. We’re programmed biologically with what’s called the “Circadian Rhythm” which basically means our brains want to sleep during the night and be awake during the day. In order to use that programming to our advantage, putting baby to sleep in a dark room will help their little brains to fall into what they naturally want to do. It will also help with the production of Melatonin, helping them to stay asleep.

Keep it Noisy

Okay, not noisy but keep White Noise! This is a surefire way to help your baby lull back to sleep like they’ve learned to do. White noise works to block out noises that may occur outside baby’s room as well as give their brains something to focus on to help them calm down. (Hint: it works well for adults too). White noise also can help imitate the comforting “woosh” sounds they heard in the womb, adding to the layer of comfort.

Keep it Consistent

Your bedtime routine is working and you know what they say. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Continue consistently with the routine you’ve set in place to help smooth over the transition. No matter if baby is sick, has just received shots, or is traveling, your routine should help signal to them that it’s now time to sleep (and stay there). This is why we recommend a simple routine, one that can easily be done anywhere you are. Consistency is key!

Keep Going!

Keep going through any setbacks. Baby may wake and fuss a bit but it will likely be much, much less than before they learned to sleep on their own. By reinforcing their comfort techniques (white noise, bedtime routine, dark space), you will have baby soothing themselves back down fairly quickly. Remember that sometimes even adults struggle to sleep outside of their normal routines or space and it’s completely normal for there to be some hiccups here and there. Keep going through them and support the sleep you know your baby can achieve.

Basically, life happens! And even though life happens, we still need sleep. By remaining consistent with everything you’ve done to help establish the healthy sleep habits your baby has learned, you’ll have a significantly easier time helping them fall and stay asleep through illness, shots, and company. Whatever life throws your way, wishing you happy and healthy sleep!

4 Month Monsters: The Dreaded Sleep Regression

Your newborn comes home, all snuggly warm and makes it a habit of snoozing for most of the day. Brand new babies sleep 18+ hours a day, often dozing between feeds for a couple weeks. As you celebrate your very sleepy baby, your well-meaning sister or aunt jumps in with, “Just wait until the 4-month sleep regression….”

We’re sure you’ve heard it everywhere. On Facebook, websites, in passing conversation...at 4 months old your darling, sweet, sleeping baby will turn into a growling, angry monster that never sleeps.

What if we told you the 4 Month Sleep Regression was a lie?

Well...okay, maybe not an all out lie, but more of a misconception.

As your baby grows and develops, you’ll notice changes left and right. New movements, noises, and schedules will emerge as your little one grows up right before your eyes. As babies grow so do their brains. They require different things and as they grow, their sleep patterns will inevitably change. One of these very expected changes is an increase in the time your baby is awake. They’ll become more alert, more aware, and...well, more wakeful.

The 4 Month “sleep regression” is really nothing more than a developmental milestone. It’s less a regression and more of a progression in your baby’s journey to grow!

Normal Sleep Habits

Ah, the mystery of baby sleep. What’s normal? What’s abnormal?

Why won’t they just close their eyes already?

Normal sleep habits can seem like a distant myth but most babies do fall into a similar pattern. Your baby’s sleep will change based on their age, their eating habits, and their weight.

As a newborn, your baby will probably wake every 1-4 hours to eat. This is why breastfeeding mothers often feel as though all they do is nurse. Because...well, that’s kind of all you’re doing. Bottle fed babies may sleep a bit longer but it’s not a guarantee. Once they reach about 12 pounds they typically begin to sleep for longer stretches. A newborn baby can get up to 20 hours of sleep in 24 hours. This is obviously split into different periods of time between nursing.

Between 1-2 months of age you’ll probably notice your baby becomes more alert during the day and more sleepy at night. Their naps will likely shorten but most babies need a minimum of two naps a day. These will last anywhere from 1-3 hours. Savor those sweet sleep moments! Around 6 weeks you may notice baby begin to “cluster feed” or eat more frequently around bedtime. They’re storing up for the slumber ahead but it’s still normal for your little to fuss and wake. Until about 4 months your little one will need between 15 and 18 hours of sleep a day.

It’s no coincidence that we recommend sleep training about 12 weeks of age. At the 3 month mark your baby is likely ready to start sleeping longer stretches of time and even work towards dropping middle of the night feeds. They’re growing out of the “newborn” phase and into the “baby” phase.

(and, yes, they do grow up SO fast.)

From about 6 months through toddlerhood your baby will need between 12 and 14 hours of sleep a day. Their needs tend to be less and less the older and more active they get. Naps are important! Giving your baby that rest midday can set them up for success overnight.

Not normal? Excessive crying.

Previously called “colic”, this can have many different causes. From Acid Reflux to being overly tired, your baby crying for extended periods of time is not normal baby sleep. If you notice your baby crying for what seems like a long time, it’s not a bad idea to check in with your pediatrician to rule out common causes.

Establishing healthy sleep habits when your baby is young can mean healthy sleep for their whole lives. While that sounds like a lot of pressure, it really isn’t. Simple tips can help them sleep better (have you read our Blueprint for Exhausted Parents yet?) and effective sleep training techniques can support them learning just how to drift off into sleep all by themselves.

Baby sleep cycles are shorter than those of an adult so dozing in and out of REM sleep is common. This is why it often seems like your baby just won’t stay asleep. When they’re in a deep sleep you likely notice you can run through the house stomping and dancing without waking them but the second they come out of that cycle it’s game over. The perfect way to stop this from happening is sleep training. By letting your baby learn how to fall asleep independently they’ll be able to go through their sleep cycles with ease (and without needing to be soothed).

An effective sleep training method will take into account your needs and your baby’s personality and temperament. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach to helping your baby learn to sleep just like there isn’t one for learning anything else in life. Your baby is a unique little individual.

When you know what’s “normal” it’s much easier for you to navigate life with your baby.

Cry-it-Out: Debunking Myths

Cry-It-Out is a hot phrase among parenting communities. With sleep training, of course, comes the question, “Are we making my baby cry-it-out?” While the method popularized by Dr. Ferber is usually the one people are referring to (also referred to as “extinction”), there are many different methods of sleep training your baby and, trust us, every single one involves tears.

The main methods of sleep training your baby range everywhere from putting your baby down and not picking them back up until 12 hours later, leaving for increasing intervals of time (also known as “controlled crying”), and the “No Cry” Sleep Solution (which, yes, does involve crying despite the title). With the variances all falling under a similar umbrella, people often have very strong opinions for or against them.

The opposing side typically follows the method of “Attachment Parenting” popularized in the Dr Sears book Baby Book. This involves babywearing, co-sleeping (definitely not recommended by the AAP for safe sleep), and “Nighttime Parenting”. His claim is that “letting your baby cry” may have lasting neurological effects. What Sears neglects to inform parents of is that babies cry for many different reasons, including learning a new skill. It’s hard to learn something brand new and for babies, most everything is brand new!

Carolina Dream Tree is a bit different. The long and short of it is there really is no hard-and-fast way to sleep train your baby without a few tears shed, despite what some branded methods claim. What do we do? We help walk with you through it. There is no “sleep magic” and there is no book, blog, or method out there that will work for each and every baby. By approaching your family with compassion, empathy, and experience, and treating your baby like the unique little human they are, we’re able to produce quick results with minimal tears in the most gentle way possible.

There isn’t an easy answer to the CIO (cry-it-out) question other than, no, we aren’t using a method of crying it out. Our goal is never tears, nor is it to leave a baby who needs something unattended. Our goal is to help baby learn to sleep independently while simultaneously helping parents recognize what cues they need to respond to and what cues are just a baby saying, “Hey! This is new!”

Hint: most of them are exactly that.

With a Certified Sleep Coach walking you through every single step, you’re guaranteed success and 11-12 hours of sleep for your baby a night! We make sure your baby is ready physically to learn and that you remember your baby is loved, cared-for, and safe. The magic key we bring to you is our support and expertise working with Charlotte families.

The bottom line is you need sleep to function as a parent and your baby needs sleep to develop properly. While a few tears may be shed, we’re highly skilled at making sure they’re minimized and the process is as gentle as possible. Trust us, the smile you see on your baby’s face after a full night’s rest? Worth every little tear.

Are You Making These 5 Sleep Training Mistakes?

The world of sleep training is vast and varied with opinions ranging from “never sleep train” to “you can’t sleep train too early” and everything in between. Across the board, though, we see some very common mistakes! Check out this list of the top 5 mistakes parents are making when sleep training their babies.

1. Starting at the wrong time.
   

The time to start sleep training is not when baby has anything going on that is less-than-normal. Often, parents deal with the restlessness of a developmental leap or tears of teething and it pushes them to begin sleep training out of exhaustion. The best thing you can do is help baby learn to sleep independently before these moments hit! Your baby should be without fever, healthy, and ready to drop down to one feeding a night. We recommend you clear this with your pediatrician before starting.

2. Not using white noise.

White noise is a trick of the trade for sleep experts around the world. By mimicking the gentle “woosh” sound that baby experiences while in the womb and giving baby’s brain something to focus on besides outside noise, these incredibly helpful machines do a wonder to help your baby fall asleep and stay asleep. Long story short? Use. White. Noise. (Trust us!)

3. Room isn’t dark enough.

Light synthesizes hormones in our brains that tell us to wake up so it makes sense that a light room would leave a baby wakeful and fussy. Using blackout curtains, shutting the door, and doing your best to make the room dark is a surefire way to set yourself up for sleep training success.

4. Bedtime is too late.

The thought process of “wear the baby out” during the day is actually backwards. Contrary to popular belief, the less sleep baby gets during the day, the less likely they are to sleep at night. The rule of thumb is “sleep begets sleep”. Setting baby’s bedtime at between 7 and 8 is helpful for making sure they don’t get overtired and, therefore, fussy and difficult to soothe. Bonus: it also gives you and your partner a bit more time to reconnect or you some much-needed alone time.

5. Doubting their baby’s abilities.

The main mistake we see made? Not trusting your tinies! We’re taught that babies are helpless. While that is true of brand new newborns, babies quickly gain skills left and right when left to their own abilities. We walk for baby until they’re able to walk, we feed baby until they can feed themselves, and we help baby go to sleep until they’re ready to do it solo. Give your baby a chance to show you exactly what they’re made of and trust that they can do it. We promise, you’ll be pleasantly surprised!

While there aren’t any hard-and-fast rules in regard to sleep training, there are some simple pitfalls you can avoid. When we’re working with Charlotte families to sleep train their babies, we make sure to guide them past these common mistakes and reintroduce them to their pillows.